An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, “I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the ‘Choose Life’ license plate holder, the ‘What Would Jesus Do?’ bumper sticker, the ‘Follow Me to Sunday-School’ bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.”

“Naturally,” said the policeman, “I assumed you had stolen the car.”

by George MacLeod

I simply argue that the cross be raised again at the center of the market place as well as on the steeple of the church.

I am recovering the claim that Jesus was not crucified in a cathedral between two candles, but on a cross between two thieves; on a town garbage heap; at a crossroad of politics so cosmopolitan that they had to write His title in Hebrew and in Latin and in Greek … and at the kind of place where cynics talk smut, and thieves curse and soldiers gamble.

Because that is where He died, and that is what He died about. And that is where Christ’s men ought to be, and what church people ought to be about.

Address: Ephesians 1:20
Phone: Romans 10:13
Website: The Bible. Keywords: Christ, Lord, Savior and Jesus

Hello. My name is Jesus—the Christ. Many call me Lord! I’ve sent you my resume because I’m seeking the top management position in your heart. Please consider my accomplishments as set forth in my resume.

Qualifications
• I founded the earth and established the heavens, (See Proverbs 3:19).
• I formed man from the dust of the ground, (See Genesis 2:7).
• I breathed into man the breath of life, (See Genesis 2:7).
• I redeemed man from the curse of the law, (See Galatians 3:13).
• The blessings of the Abrahamic Covenant comes upon your life through me, (See Galatians 3:14).

Occupational Background
• I’ve only had one employer, (See Luke 2:49).
• I’ve never been tardy, absent, disobedient, slothful or disrespectful.
• My employer has nothing but rave reviews for me, (See Matthew 3:15-! 17).

Skills Work Experiences
• Some of my skills and work experiences include: empowering the poor to be poor no more, healing the brokenhearted, setting the captives free, healing the sick, restoring sight to the blind and setting at liberty them that are bruised, (See Luke 4:18).
• I am a Wonderful Counselor, (See Isaiah 9:6). People who listen to me shall dwell safely and shall not fear evil, (See Proverbs 1:33).
• I have the authority, ability and power to cleanse you of your sins, (See 1 John 1:7-9).

Educational Background
• I encompass the entire breadth and length of knowledge, wisdom and understanding, (See Proverbs 2:6).
• In me are hid all of the treasures of wisdom and knowledge, (See Colossians 2:3).
• My Word is so powerful; it has been described as being a lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path, (See Psalms 119:105).
• I can even tell you all of the secrets of your heart, (See Psalms 44:21).

Major Accomplishments
• I was an active participant in the greatest Summit Meeting of all times, (See Genesis 1:26).
• I laid down my life so that you may live, (See 2 Corinthians 5:15).
• I defeated the archenemy of God and mankind and made a show of them openly, (See Colossians 2:15).
• There are many more major accomplishments, too many to mention here. You can read them on my website, which is located at: www dot – the Bible. You don’t need an Internet connection or computer to access my website.

References
• Believers and followers worldwide will testify to my divine healings, salvation, deliverance, miracles, restoration and supernatural guidance.

In Summation
Now that you’ve read my resume, I’m confident that I’m the only candidate uniquely qualified to fill this vital position in your heart. In summation, I will properly direct your paths, (See Proverbs 3:5-6) and lead you into everlasting life, (See John 6:47). When can I start? Time is of the essence, (See Hebrews 3:15).é

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.

No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

There are no new sins … the old ones just get more publicity.

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number!

Think about this… No one ever says “It’s only a game” when his team is winning.

Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

I’ve reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

Be careful reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to like it.

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than in a Yugo.

After a certain age, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.

Reality is the murder of a beautiful theory by a gang of ugly facts.

Birds of a feather flock together and mess on your car.
When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ” XL.”

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs.”

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. • Mark Twain

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. • Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. • Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. • Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.• Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. • Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. • Alex Levine

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. • Mark Twain

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. • Ed Furgol

Money can’t buy you happiness… but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. • Spike Milligan

What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money. • Henny Youngman

I am opposed to millionaires… but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. • Mark Twain

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up. • Joe Namath

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. •Herbert Henry Asquith

I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap. • Bob Hope

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. • Will Rogers

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation… as you grow older, it will avoid you. • Winston Churchill

Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty…but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. • Phyllis Diller

The cardiologist’s diet: If it tastes good spit it out. • Unknown

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. • Billy Crystal

  That’s Eternity!

As we know, we see discrimination in some form or another almost everyday and, often times, it leaves a sour taste in our mouths. The following story shows us the side of diversity that we should all work for. It is a pleasant twist to see that there are companies and individuals who face discrimination head on, if only one small step at a time.

On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged, well-off white South African Lady found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating.

“What seems to be the problem Madam?” asked the attendant.

“Can’t you see?” she said “You’ve sat me next to a kaffir. I can’t possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me another seat!”

“Please calm down Madam.” The stewardess replied. “The flight is very full today, but I’ll tell you what I’ll do — I’ll go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or first class.”

The woman cocked a snooty look at the outraged black man beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding passengers). A few minutes later the stewardess returned with the good news, which she delivered to the lady, who looked at the people around her with a smug and self satisfied grin:

“Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I’ve spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full. However, we do have one seat in first class.”

Before the lady had a chance to answer, the stewardess continued… “It is most extraordinary to make this kind of upgrade, however, and I had to get special permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt that it was outrageous that someone be forced to sit next to such an obnoxious person.”

Having said that, flight attendant turned to the black man sitting next to her, and said: “So if you’d like to get your things, sir, I have your seat ready for you…” — at which point the surrounding passengers stood and gave a standing ovation while the black man walked up to the front of the plane.

Always Remember:
People will forget what you said…
People will forget what you did…
but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Here is a man who was born in an obscure village, the Child of a peasant woman. He worked in a carpenter shop until He was thirty, and then for three years He was an itinerant preacher.

He never wrote a book. He never held an office. He never owned a home. He never had a family. He never went to college. He never put His foot inside a big city. He never traveled two hundred miles from the place where He was born.

He never did one of the things that usually accompany greatness. He had no credentials but Himself. He had nothing to do with this world except the naked power of His divine manhood.

While still a young man, the tide of popular opinion turned against Him. He was turned over to His enemies. He went through the mockery of a trial. He was nailed to a cross between two thieves. His executioners gambled for the only piece of property He had on earth while He was dying—and that was His coat.

When He was dead He was taken down and laid in a borrowed grave through the pity of a friend. Such was His human life. But, He rose from the dead.Nineteen wide centuries have come and gone and today He is the Centerpiece of the human race and the Leader of the column of progress.

I am within the mark when I say that all the armies that ever marched, and all the navies that ever were built, and all the parliaments that ever sat, and all the kings that ever reigned, put together, have not affected the life of man upon this earth as powerfully as that One Solitary Life.

By Dr. James Allan Francis when he served as pastor of First Baptist Church of Los Angeles.

One Sunday an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin.

Although the old man and his clothes were clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn. He carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible.

The church was in a very upscale part of the city, the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were likewise upscale, dressed with the most expensive of clothes.

As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were appalled at his appearance and didn’t attempt to hide it. The preacher gave a long sermon and a lecture on how much money the church needed to do God’s work.

As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. “Before you come back, have a talk with God and ask him what He thinks would be appropriate attire for worship.” The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.

The next Sunday, he returned to the same church wearing the same ragged jeans. Again, the congregation shunned and ignored him. Again, the preacher approached him and said, “I thought I asked you to speak to God”…. ”

“I did,” replied the old cowboy.

“What exactly did God say was the proper attire for worshiping here?” asked the preacher.

“Well, sir, God told me that He didn’t have a clue what I should wear. He says He’s never been in this church.”

Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them, as my mean Mom and Dad told me:

• I loved you enough to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.

• I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.

• I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.

• I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren’t perfect.

• I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

• But most of all, I loved you enough to say “No” when I knew you would hate me for it.

Those were the most difficult battles of all. I’m glad I won them, because in the end you won, too. And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.