Redneck Church

You might be in a Redneck Church if…

• The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

• People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ’em.

• When the pastor says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering,” five guys and two women stand up.

• A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because “It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of.”

• The choir is known as the “OK Chorale.”

• In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven different last names in the church directory.

• People think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

• Instead of a bell; you are called to service by a duck call.

• The communion wine is Boone’s Farm “Tickled Pink.”

• “Thou shall not covet” applies to huntin’ dogs, too.

• The final words of the benediction are, “Y’all come back now, ya heah.”

• God bless and don’t y’all fergit ta say yer prayers!

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